Primal
by chaletfan
Summary: Everything seems right in the world. Faith and Xander are together. She's almost happy. It's not going to last. It never does. Set after Somehow and before Penance.
1. Chapter 1

**1**

There was deathly silence in the room until one girl spoke up. "Sex."

"What the-?" Buffy sought out the voice in the room and locked eyes with the kid. "Excuse me but what did you say?"

"I want to know about sex." The pert little smug-machine folded her arms. "How does it work now?"

"Same way it always did," drawled Faith. She glanced to her side. "B?"

Buffy shook her head. "There is no way on Gods-"

"Goddess," false-coughed Willow.

"Whatever," said Faith. The Goddess schtick was getting old.

Buffy glared at them both. "Alice, thank you for the question but there is no way on Goddesses' green earth that I am answering that question."

"No way. I want an answer. Do we hurt 'em? Norms? Can Slayers have sex with the norms? Or do they break? Wait. You're all looking at me like I'm a freak . You do still … you know … Slayers aint Nuns are they? Are y'all virgins or something? Or do you just have sex with each other? Oh my god are y'all a cult?"

Xander stumbled into the silence. "That's a little … complicated," he said. "I'm not sure which question to answer first

"- Well, I guess Andrew should answer that one-"

"- sure, it's technically true but I prefer the term-"

"-only on a weekend and then only with certain redheaded witches who ask nicely-"

Faith stared at Buffy with interest . She was the only one who'd not responded. Interesting. And distinctly more interesting than the vomit-inducing loved up display on her right between Willow and Kennedy. It looked like, from that tell-tale blush coming off of B, blondie had been trying something new. Well, hey, good for her. She approved of anything that might loosen up little Miss Tightly Wound. Wonder who it was. One of the kids? No way. Oh way. So much way. The little Asian girl, the one with the wicked hair, her eyes were staring at the floor, and Faith grinned with lascivious amusement. She'd been in enough morning-afters to know the signs and spot 'em at a hundred paces. Those two had had some action. Wow. Score one for Summers.

"Faith." Buffy ."Care to comment?"

Faith pulled herself back up on the chair and stared out at the crowd of noobs. "Yeah," she said, "Totally. I agree with everything she says."

By their reaction, she knew she'd just said the wrong thing. She couldn't care in the slightest. She caught the eye of one and jabbed her middle finger in the air.

The heads swiveled back to Buffy who gave a long, loud sigh. "That's our Faith. She's going back to England shortly to learn how to swear some more."

"Aren't we already in England?" A different voice.

"We Are Not In England," replied another. Her hair was thick and red and seemed to spark out in fury. "This is bloody Scotland, you stupid mare."

"What's a mare?"

"Female horse."

"Wait, is that like an insult here?"

Buffy glanced at Willow. "Mic me," she mouthed as she clambered up onto her chair. Willow pressed her fingers together and flicked a small spark of magic at Buffy who caught it, rocked back on her heels slightly, balancing the chair underneath her before speaking: "QUIET"

Her voice boomed out over the crowd of girls and startled them into sudden startled silence. "OKAY! SO WE GOTTA DO-!" Buffy clapped her hand over her mouth and rolled her eyes at Willow.

"Oops." Willow pressed her fingers back into her palm and pulled the magic back inside her. "Sorry."

Buffy blew out into the air experimentally. The noise didn't deafen her so she reasoned it was safe to continue. "Ladies. Wait, that's all kinds of wrong. Slayers. You're all Slayers. You know what you are. You know you're above acting like children anymore. Cos you're more than that. You're more than a woman. Wait. That's the Bee Gees and although I'm totally one for the falsetto, I am not – and this is me shifting off the point quite substantially. But whatever, just listen, what I'm trying to say is, you're all here for one reason. To fight back the darkness and all the icky freaks that like to populate it and kill innocent people. And you're all here for each other. When my powers kicked in, I was alone. Like technically not but spiritually alone-"

Wow. Faith was getting really good at tuning out Buffy. It was a skill she was totally proud of. God knows how the kid had ever got anyone into the sack. Or even got them anywhere. Being frank, it was a miracle that she got herself out the door at times. Too busy givin' a quote unquote inspirational speech. Faith was bored. She took stock. Stock was still boring. Options? She could leave. Walk out. It was totally tempting. She took a deep breath, folded her arms and fixed an interested expression on her face. God. Being redeemed sucked. She'd had a whole psyche-crisis and Buffy was still banging on.

"-So here's the part where you choose. You stay with us. We'll look after you. Best as we can. It's a job for life. But if you don't want to stay, that's fine as well. We'll still be here for you. Always will be." Buffy finished. "It's about your choice. Always will be."

Xander cut in. "So to sum, you wanna stay it's the door on your right. Wanna leave, door on your left. Blue pill or red pill. Chop chop Slayers, we've got lunch on the way and Mickey Mouse don't like to keep it waiting."

Faith cast him a small amused smile. "Mickey Mouse?"

"Will pulled a sorcerers apprentice on the crockery," he murmured, sitting back down beside her.

"She _has _seen Fantasia right?"

"To be honest, I'm more concerned that you've seen it."

"Pink elephants dude." She raised her eyebrows at him. "Kinda sells itself." The Slayers in front of them weren't moving. Most of the kids were rooted to the floor. Faith's stomach grumbled. So she made her own choice. Got up. Glanced back at Xander. "You comin'? Seems kinda harsh to make the kids choose in front of y'all. Or does B just sit and watch and make note of the ones who don't wanna join the gang?"

Xander inclined his head gracefully, accepting her point. "It's a … work in progress. It's been just, you know, me myself and I for so long, it's … hard to get used to-"

"Groupies?"

"Not the word I was looking for."

"You're the only man here," she pointed out archly, "Andrew doesn't count. You gotta get used to having groupies. All puppy dog eyes following you round and about." She stood up at the same time he did, their body language mirroring each other.

Xander extended his hand to her in a surprisingly courtly gesture. He suddenly reminded her of one of those bonnety shows they seemed to love on the tv here. She sorta liked it. It was weird but she did.

"Will you do me the honour milady?"

And Goddamnit but she giggled. She damn well giggled. Screw the wannabes, screw the staring faces, screw the whole shitty job of being an example, screw it all. She had her man and all was well with the world.

**2**


	2. Chapter 2

She remembered her first days back at the castle following their adventures with Dracula. The awkwardness of being in a relationship. The awkwardness hadn't been between the two of them though. Oh no. Finally getting together with Xander had felt so natural. A whole world of right that just made her . The awkward thing had been the revealing of their relationship to the others. The gang. Still felt weird to call 'em that. The team. The group. The Others. Wait, that was off Lost. God, hanging with Xander was gonna have some drawbacks. Then again, there were some definite pluses.

He closed his hand around hers. "We, uh, we don't have to be at the kitchen just yet." There was a sly little grin on his face which she responded to wholeheartedly. Didn't need to make it easy for him mind.

"You sure? I hear those pots and pans can get rowdy without supervision."

He grunted with amusement. "I don't wanna spell it out for you."

"Spell what out?" She was all innocence.

"Sex." His voice was suddenly lust-filled and she caught his arm, twisting him to the side so that they both leant on the wall, a picture of apparent innocence. "I want to take you upstairs and I want to prove to myself and the really nosey little Slayer-wannabe that a Slayer and a "norm" can have of the sex, can have it good and won't break in the process."

"No," said Faith.

Xander looked surprised. "I was being all manly? You don't like?"

"You're not a norm," said Faith, "And trust me I'll be speaking to our little would-be fascist later about using that kinda terminology. It's not the way we roll. All you need to know for now is that you're not a norm. You're far from it." Her hand crept down his trousers, moving towards the zipped fly. "I think I might just love you a little Mr Harris."

"I'll take that," he said, soft, guiding her hand into him, "I'll more than deal with that."

The shadows grew longer around them as they melded into the darkness of the castle. They moved together, her body leading, his body leading, the two of them locked in a pas de deux as she turned, pressed her hands against the wall and felt him take her, his hands grasping hers and the two of them pushing in one, their bodies becoming one intense wave of emotion that made her fall in love with him all over again.

They parted abruptly, breathless and suddenly shy. "I've not … I've not done that before," Xander said. He caught her eye and smiled. "Maybe I should get teenagers to challenge my sexual confidence more often."

"Oh you should." And then she couldn't resist it. "You know how dodgy that phrase sounds right?"

"Dodgy? You're sounding like a Brit love." He grinned at her as they settled back down into their usual conversational sparring. He did enjoy it. A world of parry and thrust that constantly kept him on his toes. The thing about Faith was that she saw things in glorious black and white and wasn't ever afraid to say that. She reminded him of Anya that way but without the money obsession and the occasional demonic exes. Although that ever possible with her. "Have you ever shagged a troll?"

"Shagged?"

"Sexytimed."

"With a troll?"

"A troll?"

"It makes sense in my head."

"That's a no, hon."

"Are you a praying mantis?"

"Do you wanna stop now?" She punched him lightly and then looked horrified as he winced. "Shit, sorry."

"It's no big. At least we've got an answer to the whole can Slayers sex Norms thing? It's a yes but the post-coital conversation is full of pitfalls."

"I don't want to go out with you anymore."

"Likewise Miss Lehane, likewise."

"Don't call me that," she said, pulling her shirt out of her waistband. The tucked in look really didn't float her boat in the slightest. Made her look like a nerd. "Miss Lehane sounds like my mom."

She'd never mentioned her family before. Weird. Something about him made her spill with the VH-1 confidential.

"Oh please don't make me think about having sex with your mom."

"She was hot." Faith was suddenly defensive about the woman she'd not thought of for a very long time. "You'd have enjoyed it."

"And could this conversation have got any weirder? Wow, yes it just did. Sweetie, I do not want to have sex with your mom. I want to have sex with you. Lots. And if I could get you to wear a top hat and fishnets at some point so much the better."

She swatted him lightly. "Fool."

"Always."

"God I'm hungry."

"Think there's anything left?"

"Better be or I will go mad max on their asses."

"What, stop and query their choice of religion?"

"Oh you _so _need to stop reading TMZ."


	3. Chapter 3

"How'd the casting couch go?" Faith jabbed her fork experimentally into something she really hoped was edible. "We signing up some playmates?"

"Fifty fifty," said Buffy. She placed down her cutlery. "You know what that is right?"

"Stomach? Innards? Gotta be something gross."

"Neeps."

"What's a neeps?"

"Turnips."

"What's a turnips?"

"Turnip."

"Huh." She gazed at the food again before swallowing a mouthful. She'd had worse. "Still tastes okay so I guess I'm cool with it being made out of a vegetable I never heard of."

Buffy smiled wanly. "Lucky. I can't get past the fact that they actually feed this sort of stuff to people."

"Remind me not to talk to you to about haggises then."

"Oh Giles already had that conversation with me a long time ago."

"How is he?" Faith was genuinely interested in his wellbeing. The two of them sort of got on alright. And she'd never really known what taking the piss was until she'd met a master of it.

Buffy sighed. "Honestly? I don't know. It's like we don't talk anymore."

"So he's not seen Castle Slayer then yet?"

"No. Somewhere down south."

"Everywhere's down south from here."

"You sound like you're, you know, local."

"Good thing? Bad thing? Specifize me B."

"Good thing. Jealous-making thing." She glanced down at the table and then along into the depths of the great vaulted kitchen that currently held several hundred young women. "I can't do this, Faith, I want you to stay."

"Who said I was going anywhere?" Faith gestured at her plate. "Got myself some neeps to finish."

"You'll go somewhere. You always do." Simple pure fact as far as Buffy saw it. Faith wasn't so sure. And then Summers dropped the bombshell. "Now you'll take Xander with you." Buffy curled a strand of golden hair between her fingers.

Faith stared at Buffy. "We having this conversation? Right now?" Girl was tripping. Faith glanced over at her plate. "What _was_ in your food?"

"Are you together with him?"

"Are you his mom?"

There was a sudden spark of fury between them. The two Slayers. The heart and the darkness. The core of the operation. The woman who'd started it all and the woman who had come so damn close to ending it.

Ready to rip each other to shreds.

"I love him," said Faith, unballing her fists. "Shits me to say it but I kinda do. Problem with that?"

A moment of silence that stretched out to an unbearable length.

Buffy nodded. "Yeah. Problem."

"Problem along the lines that it's him? Or it's me?" She really really wanted to smash Buffy's face in right now and knew she was moments from it. Silence her. Still the voice inside your head that made you want to be her. Silence her. Silence it. Forever. Just do it.

"Both."

"We doing this?" Was she really doing this? About to fight over a boy? Was this really her? Had it come to this? Faith shook her head slightly, dispelling the red mist that threatened to overwhelm her. "He loves you B. His life revolves around you. Your family. Boy's stuck through you thick and thin and you're getting all happiness grudgy?"

"Happiness?" Buffy raised her eyebrows. Despite herself, she was amused. "For reals?"

"For reals," confirmed Faith.

"Wow," said Buffy. The fury ebbed away from her the moment she saw the small, awkward look of pride on Faith's face. It was a look she'd never expected to see there. And the weird thing was she'd seen it on Xander's face too. The thing about love was you never understood it but you knew when it worked. "I won't hate him for the happy. But you hurt him, I'm gonna kick your ass."

"Wouldn't expect anything less," replied Faith. And she wouldn't. She'd once wanted to be Buffy so bad it could have killed her. It almost had. But things were different. She was empanciated. Wait. Not the right word. Emancipated. Yeah that was it. She'd faced her demons and come out stronger. Harder, better, faster, stronger. More … more real. Finally fitted into her skin. She was finally home.

Faith jerked her head towards the candles dotted in the centre of the tables. "We using these or are they just for show?"

"Oh we use them," said Buffy, "Remind me to tell you about the joys of the electricity bill sometimes." She whistled over at Willow and pointed at the candles. "Would you?" They flared into sudden vibrant life, the flames popping up along the table as Faith watched the hall become illuminated.. Willow, laughing with some of the young Wiccans, tossed her hand in the direction of one and pulled the flame up, flecking the brilliant red light with sparkles of emerald-green ice.

"A glamour," said Buffy, "It amuses the kids."

"We could hire her out," said Faith, "For Christmas. Make a bit of cash on the sly."

And as they laughed, neither of them noticed the shadows lengthening and merging behind them.


	4. Chapter 4

**4**

"Once," said Faith, "there was this girl who-"

"That's a song."

"Mmhmm."

"That's a song too."

"Will you shut up?"

He glanced up at her, surprised by the edge in her voice. "Hon?"

"I need to be inspiring. And you heckling is not helping."

"I don't think you need much practice. I mean, you inspire me already."

"Dude I _have_ to do this so could I inspire you to silence already?" He rolled over on the bed onto his elbows, the sheet riding down to reveal the lower curve of his back, and looked at her with mild concern. "What _is_ it you have to do and why'd ya got to do it so early?"

She sat back down to pull her boots on, avoiding his gaze. "Slayer Rehab. Kinda. Got to speak to our fascist wannabes and our GI Janes. Teach them the error of their ways. Get them back on the light side of the force."

"You'll be good," he said softly, "Don't be nervous."

"'m not nervous."

"You are."

"Again with the not helping."

"Then don't be nervous."

"Stop – just quiet Xan, please." She slid her second boot on and folded herself back onto the bed, laying down beside him. He looped his hand over her, pulling her close, and for a moment she rested her head in the crook of his arm and felt at ease. "Xan," she said again, but softer and quieter as she felt the gnawing edge of nerves inside her begin to recede.

"Tell me," he said. "Please. I want to help."

"I don't want to be the bad girl anymore," she said, staring at the ceiling.

"You're not." Xander looked at her, his brow furrowed and then a small grin flitted across his face. "I mean, I like it when you, you know _are _but that's just for special occasions right?"

"Special occasions like _never_ ever again if you keep talking."

"So I'll stop. But spill."

"When did you take the self-help course?" She twisted over, facing him, "'m interested. Was it a module I forgot to take in Slayer 101?" He beamed at her and she smiled again as he pressed his finger against his lips. "This is killing you right?" He nodded. "I could do anything to you right now and you'd have to stay quiet." He nodded a little bit more eagerly and she laughed. "I hate you."

"No you don't," he said and then cursed. "And my pact of silence isn't going that well."

"I'm getting that."

"Spillage, Lehane, now. That's an order Private."

"Private huh?" She pushed herself forward, kissing him softly on the lips. "Thought I'd be at least a Major by now."

"Brigadier perhaps," he murmured, pushing himself back into her, returning her kiss with obvious pleasure. "But that only comes when I get myself a blue telephone box. And right now you are dodging the issue. Spill it. Tell me what's makin' you nervous about this session?"

She sighed. "I don't – I don't. Is this it? Is the 'bad girl' all I am? Xan, I don't wanna be the warning."

He took a long time to reply and she allowed herself to drift into the comfortable silence between them. He made her talk. The weirdest thing about their relationship was how he made her talk about things that she'd never been able to talk about before. Odd. Yet kinda nice. She liked it. He cast light on the darkness for her.

"You're more than that," he said eventually, "It's hard to say but you … Buffy … Vi … Will … you're all icons. In a way you symbolize victory over the worst kind of bad."

"You too," she murmured, "You were there."

"But I'm not a Slayer," he said, "You are. I'm not a woman. You are. It's not about your past, Faith, it's about your _now. _It's about showing these kids that yes, people make mistakes, but sometimes the mistakes make the people better in the long run. You may be superpowered and ridiculously hot to boot but you're still human. And that, more than anything, is the lesson. You're stronger than yesterday. Loneliness ain't killing you no more."

"That's Britney. Kinda." she said, but she got it. She got his point. These kids didn't look at her past. They looked at her Now. And what happened were the things she did right now.

"Leave Britney alone," he replied kissing her again. "What time does it start?" He ran his finger over her collarbone and her skin prickled to his touch. She caught his finger and brought it up to her mouth, resting it on her lips. "Not for a while yet."

"Brilliant."

"You could, uh, hit me baby one more time."

"Or we could have sex."

"That too." And she pulled the sheet over the two of them.


	5. Chapter 5

**5**

She knew she had a wide smile on her face. All thanks to her own private little cheerleader. Wait. Xan in pompoms. And a skirt? Oh comedic potential ahoy. Although her boy would rock it. Wait. Hello Brain. Stop thinking down this road of disturbia and focus on the kids. Cos right now they think you're tripping.

Faith narrowed her eyes at them. Six kids. Small, tall, fat, thin. All clutching weapons of some kind. Looked like a Benetton ad crossed with Gladiator. If any of them went all Russell Crowe on her and started to whack some poetry shit on her, she'd kick them back into last week.

"Put down the weapons," she said, folding her arms. "Now."

The kids stared back at her. One, the 'can we have sex with norms' chick, spoke up. "No way."

"Way," said Faith staring right back at SexChick. Damn she needed to learn their names fast. That was a short she couldn't quite work. SexChick. Worlds of wrong right there. She'd call her that out loud sometime in the near future if she didn't figure out what she was called. Faith said: "What's your name?" and mentally congratulated herself on directly addressing the problem.

"Sophia."

Okay. Sophia. She could handle that. Faith took a deep breath and then pointed at the others. "Names. And weapon dropping. Not necessarily in that order."

"Emma." The kid placed a wicked looking little knife down in front of her, nervously avoiding Faith's gaze. Truth was, Faith was more interested by how fake the knife was. Wasn't quality. At all.

"Claire." A scimitar. Also another knock-off. Faith made a mental note to teach them about the positive aspects of getting good weapons and not accepting any piece of crap that fell off the back of a van. Slayer had to have pride in her work.

The next two kids spoke in quick succession, their voices overlapping. "Sam."

"Jane."

They were obviously all sorts of nervous. She looked at the two of them with genuine bemusement. She'd not even shared a sentence with them yet and already they were dropping a load. Kids would flip their lids if they ever saw a Hellmouth.

"Helena." God could the kid sound any more British? She sounded like she'd just strolled out of some bonnety thing.

"Drop the knife, Helena." She couldn't even say her name right. Made her mouth all twisty. "Your name – they call you that all the time? No way of shortening it?"

"Len," said the girl, gracefully bending and laying a fine looking sword on the ground. "Sometimes they call me Len."

"Len'll do," replied Faith, "And that's some quality sword you got yourself."

"It's a family heirloom. My, uh, ancestors used to fight with it. It's said in the family that their power flows in it and then through the holder."

"Wow, like Hisako and her armour," said Faith before she could stop herself. Kids didn't need to know just how much of a nerd she was turning into. Heck, she didn't need to know how much of a nerd was. Hanging with Harris had downfalls.

Len looked a little confused. "I suppose so," she said, her accent all clean and clear and snow-crisp.

Sophia stepped up, "We gonna fight? Train? Do something 'cept stare at each other's sword which ain't Freudian _at _all. Man, this is all like I'm in remedial class or something. N'offence." She glanced at Jane who promptly looked the other way, her whole body ignoring her.

Scimitar girl stepped up. "Funny that," said Claire calmly staring Sophia right in the eyes, "I mean, calling this the remedial class? Kinda suggests this ain't your first time experiencing it. I guess."

"And that's enough of that," snapped Faith, placing herself in between the two of them, "What we are here to do is to learn how to be a Slayer. It is not smack that bitch up 101."

"Oh cos you've never done that," said Sophia.

There was a moment of awed silence as everybody processed what had just happened.

Faith forced herself to speak very calmly. Control. She was in control of this. ""You need to back down right the hell now," she said, "You are speaking of things you ain't got a chance in hell of understanding."

"Seems to me she sees things kinda clear." Jane. Or was it Sam? One of them anyways. Taking sides. Interesting. Sophia looked a little smug. Okay, bitch was starting to annoy her.

Faith stamped her foot on the edge of the nearest blade, jamming her heel into the ground. The sword – Len's beautiful beautiful sword – span into the air, silver light sparkling from the sheen of the metal, and Faith caught it by the hilt, whipping it out to rest point down on Sophia's throat.

A swallow. Nothing but a swallow of nervousness but the reflex in her throat caused her skin to ripple and that slight millimeter of change made all the difference because suddenly Sophia clasped her hand to her throat and fell backwards as a thin ribbon of blood spooled out over her skin.

"First lesson," said Faith, calmly looking each and every girl in the face, "That's a flesh wound. It'll heal by tonight. Comes with the package. You don't question me. Not until you can take me. Survival of the fittest, kids, and right now you are fat lambs being led to the slaughter."

"We c-c-can leave," breathed Len, suddenly shivering in the warm sun. "I want t-to leave. I'm n-n-"

"Buffy said we didn't have to say," said Claire, "And I don't."

"Fine." Faith tossed the sword back to Len, wincing slightly as she felt the perfectly balanced steel leave her grip, "Leave. But you gotta know this. I tried to run … back when I was called. Made no difference. They found me."

"But B-Buffy said – we could go. Made n-no difference. Said we c-could f-fight or – or leave. It was o-okay" Len again. Stuttering. Unsure. A shadow of the refined girl she'd been moments earlier.

"Buffy lied," said Faith, and she felt herself suddenly want to cry, "Not from choice. Those girls – the ones who went back. They're dead."

"You don't know that," said Claire.

"I do. Trust me I do. When you're called. When you're a Slayer it's not something you give up. Those kids – they're back home now. Maybe breaking a glass or two when they grip it to tight. But their – their b-blood – all the darkness, all the nasty will come and try to kill them. Cos it's what they do. Kill. All those threats you read about in the paper. Man, the muggings, the unexplained homicides, the murders – that's all the darkness right there. And let me tell you it ain't all human. So you stay. You learn how to keep yourselves alive at least. Owe yourselves that I guess. And then you can go. And I'll be cheering you outta here trust me on that. But that's to come. Gotta deal with today. And today you aint leaving. I'll break every limb in your body to keep you here. Cos all you are right now is ripe for death to come and pick you off the branch. I don't want that on my conscience."

Sam stared at her: "Christ. Here endeth the lesson." The other girls were looking at her with a mixture of fear and odd respect.

"It ain't no lesson," said Faith, and she turned her back on the girls, starting to walk back to the castle, not caring whether they followed her or not. She knew they weren't going anywhere.

"What is it then?" Sophia found her voice and cough-cried after her, "What the hell is it then?"

"It's life," Faith said, "It's life you fucking moron."


	6. Chapter 6

**6**

Faith carefully avoided the world when she re-entered the castle. There were a hundred and one things in her head that she wanted to say and a hundred and one ways she couldn't quite say them. She took the longest route she could think of and kept her head down. The world could screw itself silly. She didn't care. Just wanted some silence and peace.

"Faith?" Willow. And her sidekick. Chippy little Kennedy. Batman and bleeding Robin. And not the cool Robin who turned into the hottie that was Nightwing. Yep, that was one comic she'd paid attention to in particular and not the fake I-totally-support-your-hobby-sweetie kind of attention.

"Faith." Kennedy. Not a question.

Faith raised her eyebrows and lifted her hands, palm first. "Stand down K."

Willow smiled softly at the two of them. "Easy, ladies, just hear to talk. And to uh, deliver some gauze and healing magick to one of your students."

Kennedy bristled. "You know we shouldn't cut our own right?"

Faith yawned very slowly and deliberately in her face.

"Ken-" said Willow, "Can I chats with Faith for a moment?" She turned the eyes on Kennedy who sighed heavily in response. "Sweetie-" Will moved forward, her body language suddenly quietly sensual, "Trust me."

Sexing in the corridor? Wow, Willow had totally loosened up. Faith gave her a small smile of amusement. "Going well?"

"The best," confirmed the redhead, "But that's not why I'm here."

"Oh sexing has it's pull," replied Faith, "I'd still be in Cleveland were it not for-"

"-Xander," finished Willow. She looked at Faith. "I don't quite – I mean – how do you two work?"

"What?"

"Okay that came out much more passive-aggressive then I intended."

"Yeah, I guess it did." Faith made to slide past her.

"Faith…" said Willow, "Please – hold on a sec."

"Why? So's you can pull the whole jealous thing? Like Buffy? Do you both want to jump his bones?"

"Faith," said Willow again.

"Stop saying that."

"Stop getting all weird on me!" chided Willow, "Sweetie, I just wanna talk. That's all. No motive. I am motive less. In fact I am the opposite of motive. I am evotive."

"Fine. Although I have no idea what you're on about." She folded her arms. "Please make it quick."

"I don't want to have sex with Xander. And footnote, you did notice the whole gay thing right?" Willow looked amused. "It means I don't enjoy the boys. I am inclined towards the ladies."

"Huh." A brief pause. To be honest she'd switched off a lot when Willow had started talking. Nothing against the girl. It was weird how much she reminded Faith of a goldfish. A goldfish being squeezed. All big eyes and sparkle. It was hard to concentrate on what she said when thoughts like that were flying through her head. "So Buffy?"

"Buffy is jealous of you," said Willow softly, "She always has been."

"Huh." A longer pause. A much longer pause. Faith was rapidly computing the facts. And the fact that Buffy was jealous of her was a very new one. She boxed it and decided to discuss it later with Xander. Boy could provide clarity. And then they could bang. "That relates to our chat how?"

"I'm connected to all the Slayers now," replied Willow.

Faith felt her jaw physically drop. "Duuuuude, waitttttt, you're in my head? Like in it? Like do you read my thoughts? God ARE YOU READING MY THOUGHTS?"

"No!" Willow gaped at her, "No," she said, calmer now, "God that would be all sorts of wrong."

Faith looked at her suspiciously. "What am I thinking right now?"

"You're thinking I'm two sandwiches short of a picnic."

"Okay, no, I'm thinking you're crazy."

"We are diverting from the route I wanted this conversation to follow," said Willow, "Faith – the kids – how were they today?"

"You already know right? What with the guaze and the first aid kit you're trying to hide. And let me give you lessons on the whole poker face concept."

"Course I already know dummy. But I want to know from you," said Willow, "I trust you. I know we've had our ups and downs in the past but right now you make my best friend in the whole world happier than he ever thought he could be. And so you're alright by me."

"Five by five?"

"Yep," confirmed the Witch. "But I will turn you into a frog if you hurt him."

"And we're back to the passive-aggressive."

"I was aiming for vaguely threatening."

"Missed it, Sabrina, missed it real hard. And the kids were fine. Just a little – "

"Full of it?"

"Full of what?"

"That's a local saying," said Willow thoughtfully, "I think it means brash."

"And what's brash mean?"

"Oh, um, bolshy. Like um, well," and she darted a swift look around the corridor, "LikeKennedybutdon'tttellherIsaidthatokay?"

"I get it. And yeah, they were. I'll sort them out." She took a deep breath and banished the thoughts of telling Willow to fuck off. Tempting thought. Really tempting thought. "We done?"

"Yeah. Just one last thing. You did good. With them I mean. The girls. Sophia and -"

"I cut her throat."

"Meh, she'll heal."

"I cut her throat," said Faith, a little louder, amused by Willow's reaction. Or lack of.

The witch shrugged and smiled back at Faith. "She'll heal. She's healing already."

"Is this one of those things where you talk about somebody else but you actually mean me?"

Willow shrugged again, smiled enigmatically, pushed her palms together and disappeared.

Faith stood there, resting her elbow on the curved wall of the corridor and sighed heavily. Being back in the fold made her want to give her brain an enema at times. Right now was most definitely one of those times.

And then she came to a decision and spoke it out to the walls. "I am Going To Get Drunk."


	7. Chapter 7

**7**

"You are not going to get drunk." Xander folded his arms. "Not without me."

"Wait, I can't drink solo?" She was amused by his sudden attitude of dominance.

"Technically yeah, sure you can, but the moment I see you with a brown paper bag, I'm gonna call the cops."

"Xan, babe, you're welcome to join me." She glanced longingly at the beer. "In fact I really think I wanna see you pissed."

"Oh it aint pretty." Xander grinned back at her. "There's tears, heartbreak and the occasional confession that I adored California Dreamin' as a kid."

"Surf dudes with attitude? You? For reals?"

He sniggered. "Looks like I'm not the only one mind. How the hell are you even quoting that stuff?"

"God, everybody I knew watched that shit. Boston. Cold." She smacked him lightly on the forehead. "Look it up."

"Winter," he said, returning her forehead smack with a light contemptible flick to her nose, "Common concept. Look it up."

"You're from California," she snorted, "You don't have winter. All you do is prance around in the sun all year round."

"We've had snow." A pause. "Once."

"Magical?"

"We've shared some special times you and I," and he wrapped his arm around her, placing his hand lightly on her hip. "One day we'll look back on this and go, man, our lives weren't like other peoples. But my god they were good." He lifted his other arm, his fingers brushed her palm and their hands entwined, so naturally, so comfortably. She fitted herself into him, her head resting gently on his shoulder. They began to dance, moving as one to music only they could hear. "I love you," he murmured, the words snow-falling into her ear, "I love everything about you. You make me whole." She closed her eyes and felt herself sink into him; his heat, his life, his warmth and she smiled and the words came before she even knew she'd said them: "I love you too."

And then there was a heavy bang on the door that made her rear back from him, their contact suddenly broken, the intimacy ripped away. Unable to speak, her mind still lost in that sultry heat of the moment they'd just shared, Faith opened the door and stared at the Slayer who stood there.

Helena. She dropped her eyes to the floor, visibly wilting under Faith's gaze. "I – Mrs Lehane. I'm sorry to b-bother you."

Faith and Xander shared a long deep look full of words before he nodded, turning his back on the two and finding something incredibly interesting in the cupboard.

"I'm not married," said Faith, "Sos you call me Faith. Being as that's my name and all." Huh. She really needed to ban Xander from those Firefly dvds he kept on replaying.

Helena didn't say anything.

Faith really wanted to have a shag. She stared at the kid and coughed pointedly. "Can I help you?"

"I'm sorry," said Len softly, "The others. They were … rude."

"They were," agreed Faith. Not quite ready to bow down just yet and make nice. Also slightly bemused as to what the kid wanted. "What do you want?" Straight to the point. She nodded with approval at herself.

"Want you to train me please Miss."

"Faith," she said again, "Not Miss."

"Please will you train me Faith?"

"Thought I already was," said the elder Slayer. Her eyes flicked at the silver blade of gorgeousness that lay on Len's hip. "Anyways with a weapon like that and me, myself and I fighting besides you, I don't think you've got to worry about much." She sensed Xander move towards her, his steps slow and hesitant.

"What's your name?" said Xander, joining the two of them stood awkwardly in the doorway. "I remember. Helena. You're from Berkshire right?"

"Barkshu," said the girl, "People always get it wrong. American people." She laughed to herself and then looked panicky, "Present company excepted of course."

"Of course," said Xander.

Faith sighed inwardly. Her ovaries were practically shriveling up as they spoke. There was no way in hell she wanted kids. "Len, take the night off. I'll see you all tomorrow. With um, less of the blood-letting this time."

Len bit her lip and then nodded. "Sorry to disturb you both." She turned and walked back off down the corridor. Xander pulled their door shut and twisted to face Faith, his eye scrunched in obvious confusion at what had just happened.

She rolled her eyes at him. "I am never having children. Ever."

"Single white female."

"Technically not single anymore."

"The film dummy."

"What of it?"

"She's going to boil your bunny."

"I don't have a bunny. That's a rabbit yeah? You know I can't cope with it when you go all local lingo on me."

"I don't like it."

"Are you even listening to me?"

He shook his head. "Really not." Something dark and foreboding began to build in his stomach. He'd learnt one thing over the years. And that was to listen to his instinct. Right now his instinct was practically doing a triple salchow as it tried to get his attention. "I don't like it," he said, "That kid. There's something weird about her."

Faith decided to change the subject. "Shut up," she said, and she pulled him towards the bed, pouting a little, "I put the kids to bed, and they're all tucked up and it's just you and me Mr Harris. Whatcha gonna do in such circumstances?"

He smiled at her as she pulled him back from the precipice of panic. "What I gotta do Miss Lehane. I may call you Miss right? I mean, you're a lady and all."

She smiled right back at him and his heart suddenly felt fit to burst. "Oh Mr Harris you may call me anything you wish but I need to tell you something right now." She tilted her head towards the bed and looked darkly amused. "I aint no lady."


	8. Chapter 8

Training the girls took on a glorious pleasure for Faith and, at certain times, she almost reveled in the situation. Those times tended to be at around five am in the morning. Primarily because that was when she strolled into their rooms and clanged a spoon on a saucepan like she was trying to send a morse code message to Nepal. It was a most satisfactory moment for her and the mint thing was she got to do it each and every day. Made getting up a total incentive.

Sophia had fallen into sullen silence, holding her place stubbornly at the back of the group, whilst Len and Claire had swiftly cut themselves to the front. The other redshirts stuffed themselves in the middle. She didn't really give about middlers. Kids at the bottom and the top caught her attention. The concern that the kids at the top might one day try and go all Scar on her Simba and the concern that that the kids at the bottom were nothing but walking Happy Meals for the next Fang that found them.

So she stopped them one day on the top of a hill and lined them up as dawn began to break on the edge of her sight. "Sam. Jane. Emma. Congratulations. You've graduated. Now scat."

Jane pulled a small face of confusion. "But –"

"Graduated. Go join Andrew. Or Dawn. They'll have something scintillating to share with you. I mean, I aint never had them scintillate me but it's gotta be in there some where." Faith jerked her thumb back towards the castle. "Go. I'm letting you go back to the others. Take the day off. We're done."

"But – but-"

"You said that already, J."

"Miss – Miss Rosenberg said we should train with you some more."

"Let's not and say we did okay? Now go already."

There was a tense, heavy pause before the three girls clutched at each other, turned as one and raced off into the distance. Faith watched them leave. She was bizarrely pleased by their patent relief at being let go. They'd be fine. They'd survive. Wouldn't be pretty, wouldn't be easy, but they'd survive. To be honest they'd learn more that way. And if she was really honest they bored her. Didn't do the boring kids. She wasn't getting paid for this. Wasn't getting paid at all.

God. Being reformed sometimes made her life resemble a baboons ass-crack. A particularly pink and hairy ass-crack.

She shook her head and returned to the now and the three girls who stood staring at her. Christ, what was she, a fucking mural? Fuck this. "Len. Claire. Sophia. Come here." They warily gathered around her. Faith smiled sweetly at them. "I think you three could be good. One day you might be as good as Summers. Though that's not hard. One day, and that's totally not going to be for a fair few years, you might come close to my level of awesome."

That wasn't what they were expecting. Even Sophia looked surprised and she'd had the expression of someone being force-fed horse shit for the past few weeks. "Honest," said Faith, "You girls are good."

"Really?" Len was wide-eyed happiness at this. Claire just stood there with a little mulish expression on her face. Sophia flipped Faith the finger.

Faith kinda liked the last reaction best.

"So what do we still have left to do?" said Len formally, and sounding like she was channeling the queen.

"Dodge," said Faith, and she punched her in the face.

Len screamed and fell backwards, pressing her hand to her nose as blood ripped out. She looked wildly back at Faith, "What the-"

"Just," said Claire, cutting off Len without concern, "I just wanna check will you be doing something like that to me? I mean, I'm the only one left that you've not tried to injure in some form after all."

"Ai bon't bike bore traibig bethod," muttered Len.

"Ai bon't bare," said Faith. "Wait. I don't care. Why am I talking like that? Not my nose that's been busted." Then suddenly, she felt it, that small shift in the air, that spark of movement on the edge of her senses, and she turned, fluidly shifting her weight and sweeping out one of her damn fine boots into the stomach of Claire, who promptly flew backwards and landed awkwardly on the floor.

She looked at Claire and Claire looked back at her, patently freaking the shit out. "I'm s-s-sorry," stammered the kid, "God I – don't – please-"

Faith smiled and to Claire it was the smile that unnerved her the most. "You're learning," said Faith, "Finally you're learning," and she pulled Claire to her feet and glanced around the other two, "Now come on. Take me."

Yeah. She was a brilliant teacher. And she smiled with satisfaction as she delivered an uppercut into the chin of Sophia. Good times.


	9. Chapter 9

Xander rolled over and saw that the bed was empty. Again. His girl was out training her squad. He'd heard some of the other Slayer call them something … a little less complimentary and had corrected them pretty damn swiftly. Squad. Team. Sisterhood. Any of the above was acceptable. They worked in a world where they pulled together. God, he hated bitchiness. He'd been the victim of it too many times and could spot it a mile off. "Cor," he said, stretching and sitting upright, "That's all because of you baby."

Cordelia. She had been something. He was suddenly lost in memories of the first woman he'd ever truly loved. Her heart. Her warmth. And her hot little ass in that cheerleading outfit-

"Faith."

He spoke her name as if it would call her to him. He did this sometimes. Name them. The ones he loved. He never did it in front of the others. He just knew that when he did it; when he called their names, somehow it made them live a little more. It reaffirmed their light against the darkness. It made him hold onto them

He said it again: "Faith!", a little louder, a little prouder, the cry of a boy in love.

The knock of the door disturbed him and he span, half clasping clothes to his chest. "Come in," he said, scrabbling into a shirt, "All's decent."

Buffy. Deeply amused. "That's a first," she grinned, "Since you and Faith got together I thought that you'd both turned into that rabbit that advertises the battery here."

"Rabbits? We have a rabbit on the books now? Did I miss a briefing or something?"

"It's a British thing. On the telly."

"On the box."

"Don't ever do the accent."

"Sold." He paused. "Wait, what do you want me for? Nasties?"

"Kinda," said Buffy seriously. "Xan. Before we do this. I'm sorry. And I – I have to. For the others. You need to know that. Before we uh do this."

"Do what?" He raised his eyebrows at her. "Buff – you're sounding like a – like a something weird insert metaphor here kinda thing. Enough to say you're freaking me out a tad."

She looked at him and he was suddenly struck by the intense sadness in her eyes. "Xan. I'm so sorry. God. Look. I'm not here from choice."

"Then why _are _you here?"

"I'm sorry."

"You said that."

"Cos I am." Buffy brushed her hair back and looked at the floor, at the wall, anywhere she could look other than at Xander's face. "I'm sorry but we need to arrest Faith."


	10. Chapter 10

The air sucked out of the room and Xander felt himself physically gasp for breath. Buffy held out her hand to him, a look of concern on her face. He didn't take it. Just steadied himself and looked at her. "Arrest? What the fuck do you mean by arrest? And sidebar: what the fuck do you mean by arrest?"

"Xand-"

"Stop it Buff. Stop it." He stared at the golden woman who he'd followed through the night and would fight by the side of until the dawn came. He would do anything for this girl. She meant everything to him and here she was telling him that the woman he loved was a killer. For the first time in a long time he felt a rush of hatred for Buffy and he reveled in it. "What is she supposed to have done?"

"It's not supposed," said Buffy, so quietly, so painfully, "It's … posed. I mean, it's real. Her kids. One of them. They're dead."

Xander flung his arm towards the window, "Balls. She's out there with them now."

"Some of them," said Buffy, still in that quiet awkward half-voice. She still couldn't look at him.

"I don't believe this."

"She's dead Xan. Emma. One of her girls is dead. "

And the worst thing was that when she said this, Xander finally believed her.

He shook his head slowly. "It's not true." But he knew it was. It was. And oh God he almost thought Faith might have done it.

"Come with me," said Buffy, "I'll – you should see. And – when Faith comes back – I –" Her sentence petered out into nothing as the two of them stood there. Eventually Xander nodded. "Alright," and he hated himself for so calmly accepting the situation, "Show me." But he had to see. He had to know.

He gestured his thumb at a crowd of laughing Slayers as they walked past them, down through the courtyard that sat in the middle of the castle, "They don't know." It wasn't a question.

Buffy spoke for the first time since they'd left his room. "Yep. It's – Emma – she's in a side room. We've not gone p-public. The girl's – they'll – know soon enough."

He nodded. It made military sense but it still disgusted him. A dead body and the awful awful question burning inside him : did his girl do it? And perhaps worst, the awful thought that she maybe might have actually done it. He sickened himself. Xander paused and very quietly vomited onto the floor.

"Sorry."

"Don't be."

Buffy cut up a side corridor, back inside the castle on the far wing away from the living quarters. She moved swiftly, her head down, not talking. She didn't know what she could say.

And then they reached the room. Buffy knocked three times, lightly, her fingers barely grazing the door but it swung open instantly.

Willow, her eyes big and anime-round, glanced up and looked relieved and sorry and embarrassed all at the same time. She didn't say anything, just gestured at the bed which held the white corpse of Emma.

Xander stared at the girl. "We know how she dead?"

"Two of the others were with her,"

"Faith split the group?" Buffy. Looking everywhere but at the girl.

"Yes. Sam and Jane were with Emma."

"And they are – where?" Xander pulled his gaze away from Emma. "Where are they Will?"

She bit her lip and stared at the floor. "That's the thing. They're downstairs. They can't talk. They – each of them's in a coma."

"So Faith killed Emma and made the other two all coma?"

"Looks like."

"Looks nothing of the sort," snapped Xander, "Damnit, we know all sorts of nasty could have happened and you blame Faith?"

"She was the last to see them. And between her and the castle, one of them died. Emma was stabbed."

"Means nothing-"

"Means something."

"Doesn't."

"Oh are you telling me the fact that somebody stabbed Emma and that Faith was the last person to see her – you telling me that means nothing?"

"I am. Watch my lips, Buff, it means nothing. It's just circumstance."

"She's got form," said Buffy and then gasped as the words spilled out. A stubborn expression crossed her face and she glared at Xander, "One of my girls is dead and the last person to see her was a Slayer. How the hell can you suggest that doesn't sound suspicious?"

"I didn't think I did."

"It's just circumstance."

"Yeah, that's what I said, BECAUSE IT IS."

"Hey!" Willow suddenly pulled herself up from the floor and placed herself in between the two of them, "What are you doing? What is this?"

Xander bit his tongue. Bit it hard, span and marched out the room. He needed to find Faith. Find her right now and sort this out. Make this stop before it got any worse.

And the shadow of a dead girl walked by his side.


	11. Chapter 11

She wiped the sweat off her forehead and glanced swiftly at the girl. "You did good."

Len pulled herself up off the floor. "Yeah, right." She looked back at Faith and then at Claire and Sophia, lightly sparring a few metres away. "I don't think I'm good enough. You should have sent me back with the others. Why _did _you send them back?"

"Cos they were done," said Faith, surprised this didn't make sense to her, "There's things you can teach people and there's things you can't teach them. They'd learnt all they could from me."

"So what about me?" Len looked mournful again. "I – I'm not as good as Sam. And Jane kicked my ass the other week. I'm, gosh, I'm awful. I'm an embarrassment."

Faith rolled her eyes. "You'll be more of an embarrassment if you don't shut up already."

"Oh I'm so sorry Miss – I mean Faith," said Len. She blushed a brilliant bright red and stared dorkily at the floor.

"What is it?" said Faith, aware that she wanted to say something else and rapidly wishing she had in fact sent Len back with the others.

"I just – I want to be like you," Len replied, lifting her gaze up and looking right at Faith.

Faith felt spectacularly uncomfortable and busied herself with a lace on her boot that really didn't need tying. "No you don't."

"Oh I do. You're my hero Miss. I mean Faith. Gosh. I'm so sorry."

Faith stared at her. "Whatever." She shifted forward into a fluid, soft fighting stance, "Spar."

"The shop? No, Miss, there's not one here."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," replied Faith, "But I'm here to teach you to fight."

"That's not what Claire said." Len blushed a brilliant bright red.

Faith stared down the hill, towards the small patch of ground where Claire and Sophia were sparring. All these politics. All this … bitching. It fucked her right off. Made her so damn angry. These kids were lucky and yet they whined and moaned like babies denied a tit. The fury rose inside her and she gave into it. Felt it consume her. And it was good. "Go back to the castle Len." A heavy repetitive beat began to ring in her ears.

"B-but?"

"I'm done." Heat. A rush of heat inside her. Prickles of sweat breaking out on her skin.

"W-what?"

"G-go," said Faith, and she whistled the other girls up to her, "You two. Go. Too." Drums. She could hear drums. And they sounded familiar.

They stared at her before Sophia rolled her eyes dramatically. "So we're done? Finally."

Faith fixed her with a stare, made her shut the hell up, before responding. "We're done."

"Miss – "

"STOP CALLING ME THAT!" Faith wheeled around and punched the kid to the floor, "STOP THE HELL SPEAKING!"

Len fell, a leaf in the wind, and Faith span to gesticulate at the other two. "Well," she said, anger sparking from her every pore, "Come get some. Cos if you don't, I'll make you go the same way as her."

"You're mad," said Claire slowly.

"Not mad," sang Faith, the words fanning the bloodlust inside of her, "Just seeing right."

Claire shook her head. "I'm not doing this." A sudden, vicious pause. "No. Sophia, no!" She grabbed at the other Slayer who batted her off contemptuously.

"I've been waiting for this," said Faith. She felt her blood rise. "All this time, you've been stood there just waiting to take me down."

"Damn straight I have," spat the kid. The two of them circled, low, catlike, their bodies shifting into fight position.

Claire turned and ran headlong back to the castle.

Faith smiled. Finally. "So it's just you and me?"

"Scared?" Sophia raised an eyebrow at her. "You know I can take you right?"

"I'd like to see you try," said Faith, "I'd like to see you try," and the darkness consumed her as she leapt at the girl and clawed at her face.


	12. Chapter 12

Xander ran. He ran so damn fast.

And then he ran into a girl. Like he'd been doing all his life.

The two of them fell onto each other, tumbling to the floor, and he dimly registered his hand touching naughty bits. They pulled away and he grasped the girl by the shoulders, recognizing her as one of Faiths. "Claire?" He really hoped he had the right name. Now was not the time for him to put his foot in it.

Claire gasped with relief as she registered who she'd found. She scrubbed her hand across her face, pulling a strand of hair out of her face. "She's gone mad – they both have!"

He took her hand. "Show me." And then she ran. At times his feet left the floor, and he flew at the side of a Slayer. Externally he was calm and quiet. Internally he was screaming one word: Willow. This sounded like it was magick. Or PMT. Either way he needed his Will.

Claire dragged him up the last slippery part of the slope, the grass still damp with the remains of the morning dew, and he skidded when she finally let go. "Look at them!" she cried, "You have to do something!"

Xander fanned air into his lungs and stared at a scene which looked like it had been ripped out of 300. Although neither of the fighters were naked. And he really shouldn't be thinking of a thing like this. Not when the blood was spinning through the air and the woman he loved was beating the crap out of somebody.

The worst thing was that he knew he couldn't do a thing.

Claire looked wildly at him, "We have to do something!"

"We can't," he said, "Castle. Get Willow. Buffy. Get them now." Although goddamn it but if Willow hadn't sensed a disturbance in the force, she was one crap-ass Wicca. He crouched down, pulling himself forward onto his elbows as he commando-crawled through the grass. He sighed, an undistinguishable sound of pain pulled from his throat, and gripped convulsively at a clump of weeds. "Faith," he said, "Faith," and he prayed that somehow she would hear him.

Light and darkness. Shadow and Flame. The two Slayers were locked into a battle that would have ruined worlds. Sophia was holding her own, smacking back Faith with a contemptuous sideways punch to the face, laughing as bone and muscle crumbled under her assault. Faith fell, catlike, onto all fours before gathering herself and leaping back into the air, her whole body slipping into a kick that thundered into Sophia.

They were killing each other. And he didn't know why.

Faith cried out with guttural victory as she twisted Sophia's arm behind her, punching her soundly in the head. The younger Slayer slumped forward and Faith tightened her grip around her, her hands moving inexorably towards her neck.

Xander stood up and screamed, unable to stop himself, desperate to do something: "FAITH!"

And the face she turned on him was not her own.

"Faith," he said again, louder, speaking to the woman he prayed was in there somewhere. "Faith, listen to me. Faith. You're there. I have Faith. Listen to me. Fight back against whatever this is."

She dropped Sophia onto the floor, her eyes, her jet black – black – eyes staring right at him. Like a predator. Xander stared right back at her and slowly took a step forward, his hands lifted up, palms out towards her, and as he moved, he was drawn back to those enormous jet black eyes.

His baby had brown eyes. His suspicions were confirmed. "You're not Faith," he said, "Who are you? What have you done with her?" He felt anger grow inside him. "Answer me damnit," he said, low, furious, "What the hell do you want with us?"

Faith swallowed and for a brief vivid moment he saw his girl again. And then she was lost. The – whatever the hell it was – had her.

"FAITH!" he yelled again, giving into his rage, "You're stronger than this!" And she was. She had more magick, more fire, more power then he could ever imagine. Sometimes it scared him. Sometimes it turned him on. Right now it pissed him off. "FIGHT IT!"

Behind her, he suddenly saw Sophia rise, bloody, bruised and shaking. She caught sight of him, nodded, and he yelled again at Faith. "YOU ARE FAITH! YOU DON'T GIVE INTO THIS! YOU'RE BETTER THAN THIS!" Because she didn't. She was his warrior woman and he wanted her the hell back.

And that was when Sophia locked her hands around Faith and began to choke her.


	13. Chapter 13

Faith tried to turn but Sophia had her held steady. Xander couldn't move. Just stood and stared at the death grip that was turning Faith blue.

"Enough," he said, so quietly that he knew nobody could hear him, "Enough. Please. Enough."

Faith bucked and then flipped forward, doubling up as Sophia somersaulted over the top of her and fell heavily onto the ground, impacting solidly into the earth head-first. The elder Slayer stayed down, her body folded, and then suddenly, awkwardly she snapped straight and cried out with agony as a thin blue gas billowed out of her mouth.

She collapsed. Her eyes, wide open, glassy, staring. She looked dead.

But her eyes were brown. She was free of whatever it was that had possessed her.

Xander hurled himself forward and pressed his fingers to Faith's mouth. She wasn't breathing. He turned wildly to look at Sophia. She was face-down in the mud, her whole body still and lying in a manner that suggested a vast amount of her bones were broken. Dead. They were dead. Dead. He flung another desperate glance between the two of them. Dead. No. They couldn't be. Oh god. But who – he could do this – he – but which one?

He had brought back the dead before. He had. He could do this. He could bring them back.

Not them.

Just one. Oh god he could only do one of them. There was only him here. Oh god oh god oh god –

It was then that Xander Harris made a decision that he knew would haunt him forever. He stood up and ran to Sophia, turning her over and began CPR on her, scrubbing the mud off her face, clearing her airway, tilting her head back, press, fifteen, count it Harris, fifteen, and the hands, breathe, make her breathe, this was not a miracle, this was fact, he would make this happen.

He dimly heard noise behind him but he didn't break a second of his desperate feverish activity. Press, press, down on her heart, count the compressions, check her airway, glance back at her chest, was that movement, no, god, keep going, be strong, you're so strong, you're so strong, you can fight this, I never doubted in you, I know you can come back from this – oh - Faith-

-Iloveyo –

A cough. But he didn't know who was making it, who it came from, couldn't hear anything in his fog of fear and pain and fear and pain and –

"Xan," said a voice, a voice he knew and loved, and Willow closed her hands around his, and gently halted his actions, "She's okay," and she brushed her finger up to Sophia's mud-encrusted face, resting briefly on her lips which quivered to the touch, "You brought her back."

He stared at Sophia and then, he remembered, he turned, scrabbling to his feet, falling forward, crawling, a primal call of pain escaping him and he saw the dead march in front of him, he saw them all, Jesse, Jenny, Tara, Joyce, Anya, Renee, and the tears he knew he was crying were for the final member of the procession, the woman who he had let die and he'd had her back on her and he'd let her die –

-Buffy. Clasping him to her, letting him shake and break and fall down in her arms. Hail Mary full of Grace Blessed art thou amongst women -

"It's alright," said Buffy, happiness radiating from her as she lifted him up to her, "She's alright. Xander. Faith's okay."

She turned him and he saw her.

His woman, his lover, his completion : his Faith.


	14. Chapter 14

"So where do we go from here?" The words sounded hollow to him as soon as he said them but he held onto the sentence.

Faith avoided his gaze. Busied herself with lacing up a boot that she'd already laced up five times. In truth, she didn't know what she could say. Wasn't even sure that she could describe what had happened to her. That awful feeling of having your senses dulled, of having your body taken from you, and made to – and made to –

--

She couldn't talk about it. Not yet. And she'd thought he could understand that. After his time with Dracula, she thought he could understand it. Guess she was wrong. It hurt. Hurt so bad.

"Faith," he said again, knowing he was blundering into an argument, but unable to stop himself, "Baby. Talk to me." He had always understood things more after speaking about them. He needed to force the inconceivable weirdness of his life into concrete concepts ; words, letters, meanings, and then he could own them. Manage them. He was desperate to give this to Faith but her stubborn silence was killing him. "I want to help."

"Shut up then," she said, "That'll help." God. This felt like she was still possessed. She wanted him to hold her and to tell her that she would come out of this. That was all she wanted. Just to be held. But the words didn't come. They stuck in her throat and crawled back down inside her.

He shook his head. "I don't shut up. You should know that by now."

"Trust me I do."

"So talk to me. I know what it's like – I can help you?"

"Can you bring Emma back to life?" She said it. Said it right at him. "No. Didn't think so. So you can't help."

"You. Were. Possessed."

"Still did it though."

"Possession! Want me to get some dictionary thing for it? You weren't in control!"

She swallowed down her lust to punch his face in and stood up, sliding her hair back into a smooth ponytail. "I shoulda been," she said, "I was her teacher and I killed her."

"It wasn't you!"

"It was," said Faith, "And I shoulda stopped it. But I didn't."

"It wasn't you," said Xander. His eyes were soft and sympathetic and almost broke through the wall she had built up. "Baby, it wasn't you, you were possessed. It – it chose you cos you could – you're a victim. Like her. Like that poor kid, you both got screwed. God – I can't say it enough – this wasn't your fault. You were possessed, baby, it took hold of you."

"And if I stay here, it'll happen again."

He paused. His mouth opened a little. "If? You – if?"

"If I stay, it'll happen again."

"I don't want to."

"Xander, if I stay, it could come back. Willow didn't even sense it to start off with and she's super Wicca for chrissakes. What chance do I have?" And this was the truth. She was leaving because she was a weakness in their armour. She'd been picked by the thing because she was weakest. Because she had taken her eye off the ball.

-becauseshe'dfalleninlove-

"Xander," she said again, her voice low, and damnit, it shook a little, "Baby. Please. I have to go. I can't – these kids – they need – I can't run the risk of it happening again." It made sense. It hurt so damn much but it made sense. Out of all the Slayers in the hizzy, it'd chosen her. So she had to remove herself from the selection. Made choice. She wasn't there, it couldn't choose her, it couldn't – it couldn't k-kill.

"You don't," he said. He bit his lip. "Please."

"You can – come with me-" She wasn't just asking him to come with her. She was asking him to understand. She was asking him to make it easier on her.

"I –"

And she saw him struggle for the words and stumble in response, she knew that the dream she had had been real. "I saw you," she said quietly, her whole body frozen still as she recollected the moment, "I opened my eyes and I saw you. In the clearing. I thought I was dreaming. I wasn't. I watched you baby, and you stood there, and I thought, he'll come. He'll save me. He'll bring me back. And I waited for that. All I – all I –" She took a deep breath and blinked back the tears that were moments from overwhelming her, "All I wanted – was for you to hold me – and – and – you chose her. You left me there. On the ground. When it came to it, you left me."

"I-I-" He was stunned. Gasping for breath. Unsure he was witnessing this. Praying desperately that he was imagining it all.

"I know," she said softly, picking up her bag and slinging it over her shoulder, the road calling her, "I know. You didn't have a choice. I know that. You don't need to - you don't need to talk." Faith, the Vampire Slayer, paused in front of him, her eyes large and full of tears, and she kissed him very quietly, very tenderly on the lips. "I love you Xander Harris. And I don't know how it came to this. But it did."

And then she was gone.


End file.
